Letting go   Leave a comment

My husband’s uncle passed away on Tuesday morning, right after midnight.  It has been a hard couple of days for everyone, and the hardest are ahead of us still. Tomorrow is the visiting hours, and then on Friday, is the funeral service and graveside service.  He wasn’t a very old man, he had just turned 70 a month ago, but he was sick.  He had Alzheimer’s.

My husband grew up in a very close family, which makes me smile.  It makes me smile because I hear all these great stories of when he was little, and I hope that my children have the same close relationships with their family.  My husband comes from a very long line of lobster fishermen, and that’s what he grew up doing.  So there is no question that he is a lobster fishermen, its in his blood, and it makes me wonder if any of his three boys will want to follow in his footsteps.  I know that since my husband grew up on the water, that’s what made his childhood so special, all the memories of him fishing with his grandfather and his uncles and his Dad.  And I know that is why him loosing his Uncle is hitting him so hard.  It hasn’t even been two years since he lost his other Uncle.  It will sound wrong, but with Uncle John, we knew it was coming, he had been sick for a while, and now that he has passed, we know that he is in a better place.  I think that will help my husband say goodbye.  But when his uncle Grover passed away almost two years ago, it was very sudden, and unexpected.  I am not sure that he is over loosing Uncle Grover, and I hope that this doesn’t remind him of it.

While I know that I have only been in my husband’s family for a short 4 years, I still feel like a very important part of the family.  Or at least I feel that way from some of the family.  I found out the hard way that my husband’s uncle had passed away, I got up that morning with the boys, and while I waited for my husband to call and check in from the boat that morning, I hoped on the computer and checked Facebook, and that’s where I saw it, I saw the news in a post from my husband’s cousin.  I didn’t get a message from anyone, and neither did my husband.  He found out from his Dad when he met him that morning to go to haul.  I think if I were him, I would have turned around and come home for the day, but I think him being able to spend the day with his Dad on the water was the best thing for him.

Now what I have a problem with, that probable shouldn’t bother me is that my husband’s ex-wife has asked about coming to the services to pay her respects to the family.  Now I understand that, but what I don’t understand is why she feels it necessary to tell my husband that she doesn’t think I should be there while she is visiting with the family, because it will make her feel uncomfortable.  Guess she never thought of how it would make me feel to have to leave a family gathering with “my family” so that she can be there, oh and did I mention how she wants him to stay there to be there with her? That is bull shit! I don’t agree with it and I am not leaving so that she can come.  If she would like to pay her respect, she can, but I am not leaving my husband in this difficult time, so that she can come in and try to console him.  Maybe I am wrong, but I really don’t care.  She chose to leave the family, they chose for things to be the way they are.  She needs to realize that I am in the family now.

So with that I would just like to say Rest In Peace, Uncle John. Enjoy your time with you father and your brother now! We’ll all see you again someday!

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Posted April 20, 2011 by mytwotornados in family

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