Archive for June 2012

Things I Love   Leave a comment


So we have had a busy couple of weeks around here…Nothing to spectacular, just busy as usual. The regular baseball season is over, and we are about to start the All Star season, T’s first game is this Saturday, and we can’t wait!! They have a pretty awesome team this year, so I imagine that they will do great!!

So the boys are doing and saying a bunch of different things now, and my heart just melts when I hear them talking!!  Here are a few things that I Love:

  • The boys are both taking swim lessons, first time ever, and they are like little fish! They both are able to jump into the pool now, and that’s a pretty big deal if you ask me. Especially since its their first time in a swimming pool!
  • Nathan just randomly comes over to me and gives me hugs and kisses
  • Ethan is constantly telling me “love you too Mama”
  • We went to the beach the other day, and I was amazed at how well they listened to me.  They knew how far they could go in either direction on the beach, and if they went to far, i only had to speak to them.
  • They are growing up, and I don’t have to be right with them at the beach, its nice living in a small town where there are only about 10 people at the beach, and you know them all.
  • I got the letter from school for them both the other day, their first official day of school is Sept. 4th!
  • They will finally play for hours together without fighting, in their toy room!
  • We just ordered the boys their first swing set.  I can’t wait for it to come so we can have something else for the boys to do outside!
  • We had the boys 4 year pics done the other day at the beach, I can’t wait to get them back
  • The boys have been sleeping in till 7 most mornings!! kinda nice since they had been getting up at 5:30!
  • We FINALLY got our tax return back. no thanks to someone’s ex-wife thinking that she can claim both of the kids, when it states clearly in the divorce that we can claim T.
  • We got a new couch and chair for our living room over the weekend, a lot more comfortable than the old ones, and not broken for that matter
  • My parents are coming on Thursday for the weekend, actually heading back home on Monday.
  • Our town is celebrating the 4th of July on the 30th of June, even calling it “summer fest” instead of the 4th

That about sums it up for now! I can’t wait for my parents to get here on Thursday! Mostly excited that my Mom will actually be here for the boys last 2 swim lessons, so maybe she’ll be able to get a few pics of the boys in the pool, I would, but I have to go in with them!


Hope you all have a happy and safe 4th of July!



Posted June 26, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, family, Nathan, step kids

Doctor’s Visits   Leave a comment

So back in May, the boys went to their 4 year well child visit. First off, let me just say I can’t believe they are 4! Where has the time gone.  Seems like just yesterday I was spending the summer at my Mom’s house and driving to the hospital to visit my babies in the NICU 4 times a day.  I honestly can’t believe they are 4 already.

Anyway, when we went to their appointment I finally got to see how much of a difference there was with them.  Ethan is 36.6 pounds and 3 ft. 3.75 inches tall! He’s in the 15% on the growth chart, which is nothing new for him, he has always been on the lower curve, and there have never been any big changes.  Nathan was 55 pounds and 3 ft. 8 inches tall!! Holy cow! He is in the 100% on the growth chart and that’s where he has been for over 2 years! He is also following the same curve on the chart that he always has, although, his height did go up at a little sharper of a curve this year.  Over all, 4 shots later they are both happy and healthy little boys.  Good news for them is that they don’t need any more shots, other than flu shots till they are 11!! Which makes this Mama very happy.  I do have a hard time believe they are so big tho, I mean hard to believe they started out at 2 lb, 13.75 inches and 2 lbs 2 oz and 15 inches.  I just can’t get over it, or maybe I don’t want to see them growing up so quickly…

Last week I took Nathan to the cardiologist.  This is the only specialist we have left, as a result of them being born at 26 weeks & 5 days.  Not bad, or at least I don’t think its all that bad.  Anyway, Nathan went and had his echo done, and turns out he doesn’t have to go back until he is 7! His problem was/is that one of the veins in the upper chambers of his heart was larger than it should have been when he was born.  It started out measuring at a 9.7 (not sure which measurement they use, but I think its millimeters.) Every year when we have gone it has gotten smaller, or most likely stayed the same size but his heart and body is growing so it is measuring the right way, but I’m not sure.  This year he is at a 5.2 so we are getting released for 3 years! I was so proud of him.  So glad it has been nothing to worry about over the years.  Its one of those things that the doctor has said all along that if he hadn’t been born at 26 weeks 5 days and been a preemie, we might have never known about it.

Yesterday we went to the dentist for the first time.  I know, I’m slacking in this department, but we finally went.  They both have all of their baby teeth, and shouldn’t get any more teeth until they are around the age of 6, which will be their first adult teeth that they get.  And she said that by the time they start getting their adult teeth in the back, that their baby teeth will start feeling wiggly.  I can’t believe that she mentioned wiggly teeth to us.  They still seem so little to me.  They both did great in the chair tho, never cried or fussed.  The dentist made it a game for them! Needless to say, they can’t wait to go back, which will be good, since they are both going back in a couple of weeks to get a cavity filled.

I think that’s about it for doctor updates that I have.  Now we are off to enjoy our last summer before they are official school kids…and again, where has the time gone?!?!

Posted June 14, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, Nathan

where do i belong?   Leave a comment

When I first relocated to be with Jason back in 2004 it took me a little while to feel like i belonged here with all of his friends.  Once I did get used to being here, it didn’t take me that long and I made some new friends.  It was very hard to make friends here, it reminds me of high school.  There are a whole bunch of “clicks” of girls and its hard to break into those groups.  Once they got to know me, they let their guard down and I was able to form friendships with most of them.

Most of the people up here were married either with kids, or kids on the way.  I loved being part of their lives as they had their babies.  It was so much fun to visit them and bring them gifts when they started their families.  I thought for sure that once I had children of my own, those friendships would just get stronger.  Man, I couldn’t have been more wrong.  And now I am left asking “where do I belong?”

My kids come first in my life.  And I think as a Mom that is the way it should be.  We don’t have a lot of babysitters around here, and my in-laws have never taken the twins for an over night.  My parents live 4 hours away and come up as often as they can, but I can’t rely on them to always be available to watch my kids.  My husband gets to go out a little more often than I do, and honestly, it’s because I don’t want too.  I’m not a big drinker, so I don’t really want to go out and hang around with people who are drinking.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against my friends who like to unwind and have a few drinks, but it’s just not my thing. Even before I had the twins, I wasn’t a big drinker.  I went thru that phase when I turned 21.  I grew out of it.  I think most people do.

When we had the boys and they finally came home from the hospital, I feel like that is when I lost the connection with my friends.  I was home with the boys all the time, and have them on oxygen and monitors made it easier for my friends to come visit me and the boys at home rather than me packing everything up and getting them out.  I had a couple of friends visit when we got home, maybe one time, but that was it.  I think it hurts because every time my friends had babies, I would be there multiple times to visit with them.  As the weeks went by the visitors slowly dwindled away.

This is when I realized who my true friends are.  The ones that don’t mind helping out with the babies and the ones that have been there for me to ask questions or even ask for there help.  And let me just say, the friends that I thought I had before the boys were born are not the same group of people I consider my “Friends” now.  It hurts to know that just because I have kids I have missed out on those friendships.  I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and the people who were their were mostly the friends I had made when I first moved here, as well as a few other friends that I have.  Well I don’t think the whole time we were there that I said more than 5 words to my “old friends” instead they kept looking over in my direction and turning back and talking.  I felt like I was being talked about.

I know it puts my husband in a weird situation, because he is still friends with everyone he was years ago.  I think that men have a different kind of friend ships them women do, and I don’t think its very fair!  I wish it was as easy for us as it is them.

Posted June 9, 2012 by mytwotornados in Me

Step-Parents   Leave a comment

So I know I have been posting a lot on our current issues with my step daughter…. I would like to give a little back story on myself.
When i was 14, and in the 8th grade my parents got divorced.  I didn’t like it one bit, and I was a little upset with both of my parents.  My father was and still is an over the road truck driver so he wasn’t around a lot anyway, but it still sucked when they split.  Growing up, I was a daddy’s girl.  When he was home you could always find me with him.  My whole world revolved around him.  Sure I adored my mom, but hands down, i was the ultimate daddy’s girl.  So when my parents shared with my sister and I that they had decided to split, I was hurt.  But I was 14, so I understood some of it.  I was old enough to realize what was going on.

My sister and I stayed with my Mom.  She had primary custody of us, and that never changed.  She never said anything negative about our father in front of us, no matter if she wanted to or not, that is the one thing she didn’t do.  She knew that we would realize just how my father was over time.  We lived in southern Maine, where my mom still lives now actually.  Not in the same place, but still the same town, so going home is still “home” to me.  My father relocated to Connecticut.  Once my parents split, they both seemed to settle down rather quickly again.  I know my Mom dated a little bit, but not that often, and soon enough she had met my step father and things progressed from there. I’m not sure how much my Dad dated, as he was so far away.  He eventually moved in with my now step-mother and that’s when I started to get to go to his house for school vacations.

Both my step father and step mother each had children from their previous marriages.  My step father has 2 sons and a daughter, all who are a few years younger than I am, and my step mother has 2 daughters and a son, also all younger than me.  Neither of my parents ever had any more kids.  Our families were only blended in the sense that I had step siblings from my step parents but no actual new brothers or sisters.  I had great relationships with each of them.

My father would always try to make plans for me to go to his house in Connecticut for school vacations and I loved it.  It was always something I looked forward too. Because I got to spend time with my Dad and his new family.  I always enjoyed my time with them.  But as I grew up, things would always come up.  I would be packed and not so patiently waiting for him to come get me, and the phone would ring, and there suddenly would be something wrong with his car. EVERY TIME I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN!  I’m not going to lie, it hurt me pretty bad.  It was after the third time this happened I realized that he just wasn’t coming.  And that was the last time I ever planned to spend school vacation with him.

It hurt a lot.  I’m not going to lie.  I felt like he was replacing me with my step brother and sister, who weren’t even his own children. But because he had a step son now, I wasn’t good enough.  He finally had the son he always wanted. We have an OK relationship now, nothing like I thought it would be.   But that’s the way it goes.  I thought that my own father would be so excited to hear I was expecting twin boys that he would make an effort to be involved in their lives.  They turned 4 in May, and I can count on one hand the amount of times he has seen my sons.  It breaks my heart to know he is just to busy to see them. I realize that we live about 8 hours away from each other, but he is still driving truck and makes one delivery a week in a town that is about one hour away from where I live, and he never tries to get me to come to the town so he can see his grandsons.

I have always been close to my step father, mostly because he lived with us i supposed.  I don’t always agree with everything he says or does, but he was like a father to me.  He actually gave me away at my wedding to Jason.  I originally wanted both my father and step father to walk me down the aisle together, but my father had a fit and said he either did it alone or not at all, so I chose to let me step father give me away.  After all he knew me better.  My father had not actually met my husband until my wedding day. How sad is that?

So I guess where I am going with this, is that I grew up with both a step mom and a step dad, and I never once did the things my step daughter has done to me.  I never would have dreamed it.  I know that I was older and my parents never had any more children after they had my sister and I, but it still makes it hard.  I would love to have a good relationship with both of my step children, but I can’t keep putting myself out there just to be heart-broken time and time again by her.

Posted June 6, 2012 by mytwotornados in Me, step kids

The good, the bad & the ugly!   1 comment

So things haven’t gotten much better since my last post.  We still can’t figure out what has caused my step daughter to lash out at me the way she has been. All in total we found 6 different papers with nasty things written on them about me, and she chose to write on her bedroom wall in two different places that she hates me.  I am more hurt than anything else, and nobody seems to understand why.  I know that she is going thru some stuff at her Mom’s right now, because  her Mom is getting ready to have a baby any day now.  Which will be another little girl for her Mom which makes her not the “baby” in that family any more and also makes her not the only girl in that family. I think that she feels like she is going to be replaced by the baby and I don’t think that her Mom has taken the time to explain to her that the baby isn’t replacing her, that the baby is simply adding to the family.  We went thru a similar situation when we had the twins. My step son felt as thought my husband was replacing him because we were having two boys.  We actually sat both of the kids down and explained to them that we were adding to the family, not replacing them.  They seemed to understand, but we don’t feel as though it is our place to explain the new baby to them.  My step daughter seems to think that the baby will come on visits to our house with them and that the baby somehow belongs to my husband.  I just don’t know how they haven’t explained to her yet that this is not the case.  We have tried to tell her that but she won’t listen.  Either that or she doesn’t want to believe us.  I’m not sure what is going on.

Last week I went on a major cleaning spree, in an effort to de-clutter my house.  God it had gotten pretty bad over the winter, and I was so happy to weed thru things and take care of stuff.  So while I did this, I re-arranged the boys toy room, and got rid of a huge garbage bag of toys, and they don’t even miss them.  So while I went to all the trouble to clean out their toy room, I have tried to get them to understand that when you take something out, you put it back before you dig something else out.  Its seems to be working for the most part, it hasn’t been a week yet, but so far so good.  I’m not spending an hour before bedtime cleaning up the mess that they have made throughout the day any more.  I may have to pick up a random toy here or there, but nothing like i used too.  Ethan has always been pretty good about helping me clean, but not Nathan.  But ever since I cleaned out their toy room, he has been such a big help.  Things may not always go back where they came from, but they are put away which is what matters to me.  As long as they are up off the floor, it takes me maybe 5-10 minutes to put the boys back where they belong.  Last night, when the older kids where here I asked the boys to clean up before supper.  Nathan was doing a great job, but my step daughter would go right behind him and tell him “No, No, No that doesn’t go there” and she would take all the boys he had just put away and throw them back on the floor.  I watched this happen 3 times before I stepped in and told her to leave him alone. He was doing what I had asked him to do and it was not her place to try to Parent him.  She and I are butting heads awful lately.

My stepson’s little league season is a little over half way over.  His team is doing great! And he is playing the best he has ever played!! So proud of him.  his team has 5 wins and he got the first 2 game balls of the season!! He is growing up into such a good kid!! I couldn’t be prouder of him…If only some of his qualities could reflect on his sister we would be all set.

I take Nathan to the cardiologist on Thursday, just a routine appointment really.  We have been going since he was born, started out in the NICU and we started going about every 3 months, then we moved to 6 months, then we finally got to a once a year appointment.  Its kind of funny that if he hadn’t been a preemie, then we never would have known that he had a vein in his heart that was larger than it should be.  It never showed on my prenatal ultra sounds, they just caught it on an ECHO in the NICU.  As he is growing, it is doing what its supposed to tho, so that is great news for us.  Even tho I hope every time we go that it is the last time, I am thankful that it’s really nothing major and nothing to worry about yet.

So I will update again probably Friday.  I will do a recap of the boys 4 year well child visit and Nathan’s cardiologist visit.  And I should have the pictures back from the boy’s birthday party today or tomorrow, so I’ll do a post about that when I get them too!!


Posted June 5, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, Nathan, step kids