Step-Parents   Leave a comment

So I know I have been posting a lot on our current issues with my step daughter…. I would like to give a little back story on myself.
When i was 14, and in the 8th grade my parents got divorced.  I didn’t like it one bit, and I was a little upset with both of my parents.  My father was and still is an over the road truck driver so he wasn’t around a lot anyway, but it still sucked when they split.  Growing up, I was a daddy’s girl.  When he was home you could always find me with him.  My whole world revolved around him.  Sure I adored my mom, but hands down, i was the ultimate daddy’s girl.  So when my parents shared with my sister and I that they had decided to split, I was hurt.  But I was 14, so I understood some of it.  I was old enough to realize what was going on.

My sister and I stayed with my Mom.  She had primary custody of us, and that never changed.  She never said anything negative about our father in front of us, no matter if she wanted to or not, that is the one thing she didn’t do.  She knew that we would realize just how my father was over time.  We lived in southern Maine, where my mom still lives now actually.  Not in the same place, but still the same town, so going home is still “home” to me.  My father relocated to Connecticut.  Once my parents split, they both seemed to settle down rather quickly again.  I know my Mom dated a little bit, but not that often, and soon enough she had met my step father and things progressed from there. I’m not sure how much my Dad dated, as he was so far away.  He eventually moved in with my now step-mother and that’s when I started to get to go to his house for school vacations.

Both my step father and step mother each had children from their previous marriages.  My step father has 2 sons and a daughter, all who are a few years younger than I am, and my step mother has 2 daughters and a son, also all younger than me.  Neither of my parents ever had any more kids.  Our families were only blended in the sense that I had step siblings from my step parents but no actual new brothers or sisters.  I had great relationships with each of them.

My father would always try to make plans for me to go to his house in Connecticut for school vacations and I loved it.  It was always something I looked forward too. Because I got to spend time with my Dad and his new family.  I always enjoyed my time with them.  But as I grew up, things would always come up.  I would be packed and not so patiently waiting for him to come get me, and the phone would ring, and there suddenly would be something wrong with his car. EVERY TIME I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN!  I’m not going to lie, it hurt me pretty bad.  It was after the third time this happened I realized that he just wasn’t coming.  And that was the last time I ever planned to spend school vacation with him.

It hurt a lot.  I’m not going to lie.  I felt like he was replacing me with my step brother and sister, who weren’t even his own children. But because he had a step son now, I wasn’t good enough.  He finally had the son he always wanted. We have an OK relationship now, nothing like I thought it would be.   But that’s the way it goes.  I thought that my own father would be so excited to hear I was expecting twin boys that he would make an effort to be involved in their lives.  They turned 4 in May, and I can count on one hand the amount of times he has seen my sons.  It breaks my heart to know he is just to busy to see them. I realize that we live about 8 hours away from each other, but he is still driving truck and makes one delivery a week in a town that is about one hour away from where I live, and he never tries to get me to come to the town so he can see his grandsons.

I have always been close to my step father, mostly because he lived with us i supposed.  I don’t always agree with everything he says or does, but he was like a father to me.  He actually gave me away at my wedding to Jason.  I originally wanted both my father and step father to walk me down the aisle together, but my father had a fit and said he either did it alone or not at all, so I chose to let me step father give me away.  After all he knew me better.  My father had not actually met my husband until my wedding day. How sad is that?

So I guess where I am going with this, is that I grew up with both a step mom and a step dad, and I never once did the things my step daughter has done to me.  I never would have dreamed it.  I know that I was older and my parents never had any more children after they had my sister and I, but it still makes it hard.  I would love to have a good relationship with both of my step children, but I can’t keep putting myself out there just to be heart-broken time and time again by her.

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Posted June 6, 2012 by mytwotornados in Me, step kids

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