where do i belong?   Leave a comment

When I first relocated to be with Jason back in 2004 it took me a little while to feel like i belonged here with all of his friends.  Once I did get used to being here, it didn’t take me that long and I made some new friends.  It was very hard to make friends here, it reminds me of high school.  There are a whole bunch of “clicks” of girls and its hard to break into those groups.  Once they got to know me, they let their guard down and I was able to form friendships with most of them.

Most of the people up here were married either with kids, or kids on the way.  I loved being part of their lives as they had their babies.  It was so much fun to visit them and bring them gifts when they started their families.  I thought for sure that once I had children of my own, those friendships would just get stronger.  Man, I couldn’t have been more wrong.  And now I am left asking “where do I belong?”

My kids come first in my life.  And I think as a Mom that is the way it should be.  We don’t have a lot of babysitters around here, and my in-laws have never taken the twins for an over night.  My parents live 4 hours away and come up as often as they can, but I can’t rely on them to always be available to watch my kids.  My husband gets to go out a little more often than I do, and honestly, it’s because I don’t want too.  I’m not a big drinker, so I don’t really want to go out and hang around with people who are drinking.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against my friends who like to unwind and have a few drinks, but it’s just not my thing. Even before I had the twins, I wasn’t a big drinker.  I went thru that phase when I turned 21.  I grew out of it.  I think most people do.

When we had the boys and they finally came home from the hospital, I feel like that is when I lost the connection with my friends.  I was home with the boys all the time, and have them on oxygen and monitors made it easier for my friends to come visit me and the boys at home rather than me packing everything up and getting them out.  I had a couple of friends visit when we got home, maybe one time, but that was it.  I think it hurts because every time my friends had babies, I would be there multiple times to visit with them.  As the weeks went by the visitors slowly dwindled away.

This is when I realized who my true friends are.  The ones that don’t mind helping out with the babies and the ones that have been there for me to ask questions or even ask for there help.  And let me just say, the friends that I thought I had before the boys were born are not the same group of people I consider my “Friends” now.  It hurts to know that just because I have kids I have missed out on those friendships.  I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and the people who were their were mostly the friends I had made when I first moved here, as well as a few other friends that I have.  Well I don’t think the whole time we were there that I said more than 5 words to my “old friends” instead they kept looking over in my direction and turning back and talking.  I felt like I was being talked about.

I know it puts my husband in a weird situation, because he is still friends with everyone he was years ago.  I think that men have a different kind of friend ships them women do, and I don’t think its very fair!  I wish it was as easy for us as it is them.

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Posted June 9, 2012 by mytwotornados in Me

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