Archive for the ‘Me’ Category

Hello 2013!   Leave a comment

So I know its been a long time since I have blogged, and I have plenty to blog about. So we’ll catch up here and then I’ll try to do better blogging this year! We’ll see how that goes!

So we moved back in September, and it was a disaster!  After we found the rental that we are currently living in, the people who own the house that we had been renting called the day before they wanted us out and told us that they had changed their mind and that we were expected to stay in that house until they wanted to sell it again..So frustrating! We had already signed a new lease on a better place and everything we had was all packed up! They threatened to take us to court if we didn’t stay, and it was a huge mess. The unfortunate thing about this is that we are friends with relatives of the owners and that has made for an interesting friendship. I mean we couldn’t back out of a newly signed lease, just because they changed their mind. We had so much stuff going on around the time that school started, that it made everything that much harder!
So we got moved and settled in, which was actually good timing, since we moved on the 2nd and 3rd of September, and my babies started Pre-K on the 4th! It was the best distraction I could have asked for.

So as I just said, the boys started school in September, and they have done GREAT! Much better than I had thought that they would, that’s for sure. I expected them to be sad that I had to leave them, but they never cried, which was great for that first drop off at school! I however, was a mess. I held it together until I got out of the school, but then I got driving home and I lost it. I happened to look in my rear view mirror and saw their empty booster seats. It his me so hard that I had to pull over I was crying to hard! Once I got home, I was welcomed to the distraction of having to unpack everything from the move, so that kept me pretty busy. But I was never so happy to see 2:45, so I could walk down to the bus stop at the end of the road and get my babies off the school bus. They came home very happy and it turned out to be the best thing for them.

They love school and they have continued to do so well! They got their first report cards in November, and they got all 3s and 4s! Which is the best you can get. I was impressed, and the 2nd quarter of school ends next Friday, I am looking forward to getting their next report cards to make sure they are still doing so good! On the 22nd of January they will be switching from afternoon pre-k to morning pre-k. This will be interesting I am sure! Especially since most school days I have to wake Nathan up at 8:30 so he can get some breakfast into him before they have lunch, they have to be at school at 11:30, so I usually end up feeding them lunch around 10:45, I don’t really like feeding them lunch so early, but I have no choice. It will be interesting to see how they adjust to getting up around 6:30 everyday, getting dressed and  breakfast right away to get to the bus stop at 7:15. I would bet I end up driving them to school most days, which is ok with me, I won’t mind!

Right after school started, we ended up in the ER with Nathan. He was fooling around with his brother and he slipped running into their bedroom and cracked the back of his head open on the edge of their bedroom door. 3 staples later, he was fine, but I was scared to death! I guess I never realized how bad head wounds bleed, but wow he lost a lot of blood. When we got to the ER the intake nurse actually took the time to argue with me about how old he was. All I could do was say to her “yes I  know he is a big boy, but I swear on his life he is only 4” and she kept saying to me “are you sure he is 4, he looks to be about 7 or maybe 8”  I have never been such a mess. I had blood all over my shirt and jeans and his head was still bleeding, and she was arguing with me….Once we got seen by the doctor and got his head patched up I was fine, but wow, wasn’t I scared! He handled it like a champ tho. The only thing he was upset about was that he had to miss open house at school. Thankfully my mother and father in law were able to come right to out house and take care of Ethan and take him to open house. And we were lucky enough that the boys Pre-K teacher was kind enough to let my husband and I come into the class room the next day at drop off to check everything out! So thankful that we live in such a small community!

Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. We had my parents up for the long weekend and as soon as my mom and I got our meal cleaned up, we hit the road to go to Bangor for our black Friday shopping! I had so much fun, and I’m pretty sure my Mom did too. We rented a hotel room, so when we got to Bangor we went right to bed! I set the alarm on my phone to get us up around 11 that night and we went and got some food then hit the stores! I laughed so hard! I can’t wait to do it again this year, I already have my room booked! And I was almost done with my Christmas shopping when we got back to my house on Friday afternoon!

Christmas was next and that was great! Everyone was happy with what they got or so it seems! My favorite thing I got was a kitchen Aid stand mixer! I have wanted one for years and my lovely husband decided that this was the year!! I have used it just about every day since I got it! I can’t believe how easy it is to make things with it!

I think that about sums it up for now! I can’t believe it’s already the 11th of January! My how time is flying. I remember before we had the twins everyone said time with fly by once you have kids and I never believed them! But oh my isn’t that the truth!

Posted January 11, 2013 by mytwotornados in Ethan, family, Me, Nathan

4 years already!   Leave a comment

So I know what your thinking, your thinking didn’t your kids already turn 4 years old? And your right, my twins turned 4 in May.  However today marks a different 4 years for us.  Today is the 4 year anniversary of my babies coming home from the hospital.  I remember that day like it was yesterday! I also remember not sleeping the night before, and I haven’t slept on the night of the 14th since that very year.  I was so excited to finally be bringing my babies home after a long 108 days in the hospital.  Those 108 days were broken down by 99 days in the most incredible NICU in the whole world, which I know is just my opinion, but it’s how I fell, and the other 9 days were spent n pediatrics!

It was a long journey that summer, patiently waiting for my boys to be healthy enough to come home to us.  I spent about 80 of those days at my Mom’s house, which was about 10 minutes away from the hospital, and the other 28 days I spent home getting things ready for them to finally come home.  I remember how badly I cried on the 4 hour car ride home when I made my first trip home without them.  I felt so empty inside.  I didn’t want to leave them at all when they were in the hospital, but I knew that the only way I was going to be able to get the house ready for them to come home was if I came home a few times and got things straightened up and their crib set up and all their clothes washed.  I had never been so happy to get back to the hospital as I was after that first couple of nights away from them.  I noticed such a big difference in them when I got back that time, I think it’s the first time I had seen that they were bigger then they were when they were born.

So tonight, we’ll have cake and ice cream, and I may even get them each a little something as a small gift from “homecoming day.” I think that no matter how old my babies get or how much they continue to grow, August 15th, will always hold a special place in my heart!

Posted August 15, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, Me, Nathan

Transitions   Leave a comment

It seems like every time i turn around, the boys are going thru a transition of some sorts. I mean they went from sharing a crib to sleeping in separate cribs.  And they didn’t mind. Then they went from bottles to sippy cups. This, we struggled with.  It seems like it took me forever to find a cup that they liked.  I think I tried everything I could find, until I gave in and bought the ones I thought for sure they wouldn’t like.  And turns out I was wrong, they loved them.  One of the next transitions we had was going from cribs to toddler beds.  We got lucky when we got their cribs, they each transitioned into toddler beds.  That was a rather easy transition as well.  They knew they couldn’t get out of their bed and roam freely.  They knew that bedtime ment they had to lay down and go to sleep.  They knew that I was just a few steps away from them, all they had to do was speak to me, and I would hear them on the monitor and come to them if they needed something. I was expecting the worse with that transition, I mean, first off they share a room and I thought for sure they would test us and try to get out and play.
The next transition was from diapers to underwear.  I was not looking forward to potty training.  I think this was harder on me then it was on them.  That is, once I figured out that there was no way they were going to potty train together.  I mean sure, I’m sure a lot of twins do things like this together, but not my twins.  Ethan made this transition quickly.  I’m talking less than 1 week, and he was staying dry even at night and would cry when I put a pull-up on him at night because he didn’t need it.  So after a couple of days of staying dry and night, I put him to bed in underwear and we’ve never looked back.  Sure, we have had our share of accidents, but I think that comes with any child.  I didn’t think I was ever going to get Nathan trained.  Ethan was trained shortly after they turned 3 in May.  Nathan had NO interest at all.  We would try and try and nothing worked.  I gave up on more than one occasion. Finally on New Year’s Day, I said this is it, I am sick of changing pull-ups every few hours.  And when he got up that morning I put him in underwear.  I’m not saying it was as easy as it was with Ethan, but it was easier than I thought it would be.  For one thing, when I trained Ethan we were living at the old house, and we had a bathroom on the first floor, here we weren’t so lucky.  Our only bathroom is on the second floor and we mad a ton of trips up and down the steps.  There were accidents but again, nothing like I had anticipated. He made me proud, that’s for sure.  Within 10 days, he was completely trained for day time.  He would go on long stretches of staying dry at night and then he would be wet for a few mornings in a row.  Finally I told him, if he could stay dry for 7 nights in a row, then the next night he could wear underwear to bed, just like Ethan.  That’s all it took.  He stayed dry for those 7 nights and on the next night, he said “I get to wear underwear just like my Ethan” and he was so excited.  But wouldn’t you know it, that on that first night wearing underwear to bed, he had an accident.  He woke up the next morning in tears, but I didn’t make a big deal of it, and told him that he could still wear big boy underwear to bed.  And that was on April 1.  We have been mostly dry at night ever since then, with the occasional accident in the night, but not that often.  And they both amaze me because there are not many nights that they wake us up to go Pee in the night.  Usually they sleep right thru until at least 5:30, sometimes later before getting up to use the bathroom.  And on those mornings, I count my lucky stars that they usually go back to sleep for an hour or longer!

Our next transition was from toddler beds to twin size beds.  This happened sooner than we had planned on it happening but when you have children who are very tall for their age it happens.  Nathan ran out of room.  Every time he rolled over at night he was awake and that ment no sleep for Mommy and I wasn’t having that.  So off to the furniture store we went and bunk beds it was.  We ordered them, and my step son agreed to sleep on the top bunk, so Ethan went on the bottom bunk, and Nathan went in my step son’s twin bed. It was comforting to know that we were back to sleeping thru the night!! But now our problem is that the bunk beds are very poorly crafted.  They keep falling apart and we are afraid that Ethan, sleeping in the bottom bunk will be hurt.  So the bunk beds are going away. We are saying goodbye to the bunk beds on Thursday, and we are getting a trundle-bed.  Tyler is going back in his twin bed and Ethan and Nathan will share the trundle.  I’m not sure who is sleeping where yet, we’ll let them decide once they get here on Thursday.  But I’m hoping this transition will go as easily as all the others have.

One more transition that we have made recently, is that we have gotten rid of all of our sippy cups.  Last friday (8/10/12) when we got up I opened the cupboard and a couple of cups fell out at me.  And I thought, its time.  So I poured them each a half of a glass of milk and said, your cups stay at the table and you need to drink slowly, there’s no cover.  We have had little spills but nothing major.  And the boys are great about leaving them on the table.  I decided to keep 2 sippy cups, but just for when we are out of the house, I’m not to big on them having open containers in my vehicle, although, I’m sure that will happen soon enough.  My husband learned the hard lesson while I was at a baby shower on sunday, only put as much in the cups as you are willing to clean up…

Our next transition will be a move to a new house, again. and then the next transition will be school starting, 3 weeks from today! That last transition may be a little harder on me then it is on them!!

I know I haven’t hit all of the transition that my boys have had, but I have touched base on the important ones.  I think the only really big one I left out is the one were we took away the boys beloved pacifiers!! Which is a post all on its own if anyone is interested…

Posted August 14, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, family, Me, Nathan, step kids

where do i belong?   Leave a comment

When I first relocated to be with Jason back in 2004 it took me a little while to feel like i belonged here with all of his friends.  Once I did get used to being here, it didn’t take me that long and I made some new friends.  It was very hard to make friends here, it reminds me of high school.  There are a whole bunch of “clicks” of girls and its hard to break into those groups.  Once they got to know me, they let their guard down and I was able to form friendships with most of them.

Most of the people up here were married either with kids, or kids on the way.  I loved being part of their lives as they had their babies.  It was so much fun to visit them and bring them gifts when they started their families.  I thought for sure that once I had children of my own, those friendships would just get stronger.  Man, I couldn’t have been more wrong.  And now I am left asking “where do I belong?”

My kids come first in my life.  And I think as a Mom that is the way it should be.  We don’t have a lot of babysitters around here, and my in-laws have never taken the twins for an over night.  My parents live 4 hours away and come up as often as they can, but I can’t rely on them to always be available to watch my kids.  My husband gets to go out a little more often than I do, and honestly, it’s because I don’t want too.  I’m not a big drinker, so I don’t really want to go out and hang around with people who are drinking.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against my friends who like to unwind and have a few drinks, but it’s just not my thing. Even before I had the twins, I wasn’t a big drinker.  I went thru that phase when I turned 21.  I grew out of it.  I think most people do.

When we had the boys and they finally came home from the hospital, I feel like that is when I lost the connection with my friends.  I was home with the boys all the time, and have them on oxygen and monitors made it easier for my friends to come visit me and the boys at home rather than me packing everything up and getting them out.  I had a couple of friends visit when we got home, maybe one time, but that was it.  I think it hurts because every time my friends had babies, I would be there multiple times to visit with them.  As the weeks went by the visitors slowly dwindled away.

This is when I realized who my true friends are.  The ones that don’t mind helping out with the babies and the ones that have been there for me to ask questions or even ask for there help.  And let me just say, the friends that I thought I had before the boys were born are not the same group of people I consider my “Friends” now.  It hurts to know that just because I have kids I have missed out on those friendships.  I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and the people who were their were mostly the friends I had made when I first moved here, as well as a few other friends that I have.  Well I don’t think the whole time we were there that I said more than 5 words to my “old friends” instead they kept looking over in my direction and turning back and talking.  I felt like I was being talked about.

I know it puts my husband in a weird situation, because he is still friends with everyone he was years ago.  I think that men have a different kind of friend ships them women do, and I don’t think its very fair!  I wish it was as easy for us as it is them.

Posted June 9, 2012 by mytwotornados in Me

Step-Parents   Leave a comment

So I know I have been posting a lot on our current issues with my step daughter…. I would like to give a little back story on myself.
When i was 14, and in the 8th grade my parents got divorced.  I didn’t like it one bit, and I was a little upset with both of my parents.  My father was and still is an over the road truck driver so he wasn’t around a lot anyway, but it still sucked when they split.  Growing up, I was a daddy’s girl.  When he was home you could always find me with him.  My whole world revolved around him.  Sure I adored my mom, but hands down, i was the ultimate daddy’s girl.  So when my parents shared with my sister and I that they had decided to split, I was hurt.  But I was 14, so I understood some of it.  I was old enough to realize what was going on.

My sister and I stayed with my Mom.  She had primary custody of us, and that never changed.  She never said anything negative about our father in front of us, no matter if she wanted to or not, that is the one thing she didn’t do.  She knew that we would realize just how my father was over time.  We lived in southern Maine, where my mom still lives now actually.  Not in the same place, but still the same town, so going home is still “home” to me.  My father relocated to Connecticut.  Once my parents split, they both seemed to settle down rather quickly again.  I know my Mom dated a little bit, but not that often, and soon enough she had met my step father and things progressed from there. I’m not sure how much my Dad dated, as he was so far away.  He eventually moved in with my now step-mother and that’s when I started to get to go to his house for school vacations.

Both my step father and step mother each had children from their previous marriages.  My step father has 2 sons and a daughter, all who are a few years younger than I am, and my step mother has 2 daughters and a son, also all younger than me.  Neither of my parents ever had any more kids.  Our families were only blended in the sense that I had step siblings from my step parents but no actual new brothers or sisters.  I had great relationships with each of them.

My father would always try to make plans for me to go to his house in Connecticut for school vacations and I loved it.  It was always something I looked forward too. Because I got to spend time with my Dad and his new family.  I always enjoyed my time with them.  But as I grew up, things would always come up.  I would be packed and not so patiently waiting for him to come get me, and the phone would ring, and there suddenly would be something wrong with his car. EVERY TIME I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN!  I’m not going to lie, it hurt me pretty bad.  It was after the third time this happened I realized that he just wasn’t coming.  And that was the last time I ever planned to spend school vacation with him.

It hurt a lot.  I’m not going to lie.  I felt like he was replacing me with my step brother and sister, who weren’t even his own children. But because he had a step son now, I wasn’t good enough.  He finally had the son he always wanted. We have an OK relationship now, nothing like I thought it would be.   But that’s the way it goes.  I thought that my own father would be so excited to hear I was expecting twin boys that he would make an effort to be involved in their lives.  They turned 4 in May, and I can count on one hand the amount of times he has seen my sons.  It breaks my heart to know he is just to busy to see them. I realize that we live about 8 hours away from each other, but he is still driving truck and makes one delivery a week in a town that is about one hour away from where I live, and he never tries to get me to come to the town so he can see his grandsons.

I have always been close to my step father, mostly because he lived with us i supposed.  I don’t always agree with everything he says or does, but he was like a father to me.  He actually gave me away at my wedding to Jason.  I originally wanted both my father and step father to walk me down the aisle together, but my father had a fit and said he either did it alone or not at all, so I chose to let me step father give me away.  After all he knew me better.  My father had not actually met my husband until my wedding day. How sad is that?

So I guess where I am going with this, is that I grew up with both a step mom and a step dad, and I never once did the things my step daughter has done to me.  I never would have dreamed it.  I know that I was older and my parents never had any more children after they had my sister and I, but it still makes it hard.  I would love to have a good relationship with both of my step children, but I can’t keep putting myself out there just to be heart-broken time and time again by her.

Posted June 6, 2012 by mytwotornados in Me, step kids

Broken Hearts   Leave a comment

So things here have been kind of busy lately, and I should be blogging more, but life it getting in the way.  I have a post almost ready about the boys 4th birthday party and about a few other things, I am just waiting to get some pictures back from our photographer.  And I should have them by the end of the week, first of next week, so it’s coming, I promise.

So we had my husband’s older kids on Monday this week. Things were going great, I was playing with the boys and T was watching tv with my husband and H was writing a note to a friend.  All normal things that happen when we have the kids, so I didn’t think anything of it.  I noticed that while H was writing, she kept looking over at me and staring at me, giving me dirty looks, but again, nothing out of the ordinary.  Well when she got done writing her letter, she put it on the drier, which is what she does with stuff she wants to take home.  I forgot it was there and so did she…

Tuesday when I was getting the laundry switched over, a folded piece of paper fell on the floor.  I didn’t notice it at first, but Ethan & Nathan were pretty excited cause they found “a yetter” which translates to a letter.  I unfolded the paper to find the letter that H had written to her friend at school.  I thought it was cute at first, I remember being a little girl writing letters to my friend and bringing them to school the next day.  But what wasn’t cute was what the letter said at the bottom.  Right before she signed her name it said “I hate Andrea” and that was followed up with “she hurts me!”

My heart broke immediately.  I have known for a while that she has been angry at me.  I just don’t know why.  My first thought was to just throw it away, and my second thought was, well lets not do that, just in case she does it again and the note gets into the wrong hands. So when my husband got home from work, I was in tears, and he asked what was wrong, all I could do was give him the note.  He of course was upset as well.

We saw T & H at T’s baseball game last night and Jason asked T if he thought it was true, and he said “absolutely not, Andrea never hurts us.  She might speak to us if we are doing something wrong, but she has never touched us.” And he followed that up with “I love Andrea, she wouldn’t hurt me or Sis.” Which again, broken my heart but for different reasons.  Well when H went over by Jason, who was helping out in the dug out, she spoke to me on the way by, but only to get my attention so she could stick her tongue out at me on the way by.  When she got to Jason, he pulled her aside and said, “we found your note” and she was all smiles, asking if he brought it to her, so she could give it to her friend at school today and he told her NO! She got upset and started crying because it was her letter and not ours and we couldn’t keep it.  She carried on for a few minutes about that, before Jason said “I read it, and so did Andrea.” She just looked at him and when he confronted her about it, she said “I didn’t write that” and she got a little upset with him.  She told him that I must have written it myself because she didn’t do it.

So tonight when Jason calls the kids to say goodnight like he does every night, he is going to talk to their Mom about it.  We certainly are not giving the letter back to her, because if it got into the wrong hands I would be in so much trouble.   Which i believe deep down inside, that’s what she wants.  She doesn’t want her father and I together and she isn’t afraid to say it.  If I thought it would solve any problems, I would pack my boys up for the weekend, and head to my Mother’s house.  But that would be telling her she won, and that’s not what I want to do.  She needs to be told that it is not OK to lie about things like this.  We can’t punish her for not liking me, but we can punish her for lying about me hurting her.  I swear on my own kids lives that I have NEVER laid a finger on that child!

My heart is broken because she is my step daughter and I love her, and there is nothing I can do to make her like me.  I just don’t know what to do anymore, but I do know that under no circumstances, will I EVER be left alone without her, I won’t even sit in the living room with her at my house now, without my husband in the room, because I don’t need to be accused of child abuse.

Posted May 30, 2012 by mytwotornados in Me, step kids

They have changed so much!   2 comments

So over the past few months as the twins 4th birthday got closer I have noticed that they are changing.  Most of these changes are for the better, but with the attitudes that they have some how gained since they turned 4, they aren’t all good changes.

Ethan seems so much more grown up to me now.  He knows the words to almost all of the songs we sign, loves to help me in the kitchen when I am cooking and he even know how to fold some of the laundry! Before I know it they will be going off to college and I’ll wonder where the past 18 years have gone. He is sleeping a lot better at night now, and suddenly even though he only weights about 36/37 pounds, he has the height of a 5-year-old! He is very busy, never slows down at all, or I don’t think he does anyway. He can write his name and he is constantly making us cards. He thinks every day should be a birthday or mother’s day, which is fine with me until he asks for cake and ice cream every night after supper, and then gets up set with me when I tell him we don’t have any. He is even playing with big boy toys now.  Gone are the days of the wooden puzzles that are just shapes and animals, he has moved on to 48 piece puzzles, and he does NOT want any help putting them together. He absolutely loves playing with legos and of course all the transformers and power rangers he can find. Especially if they are his step brothers that he knows he should be playing with. He is def. still a Momma’s boy. Although he is starting to lean a little more towards Daddy, but when something is wrong or he needs something, all he wants is me!

Nathan is also so much more grown up to me now. He doesn’t sign all the songs like his brother does, he is more of a listener when it comes to music, but when he gets something watch out, he doesn’t let anyone tell him different.  His personality has changed so much in the past few months.  He also loves to do the laundry with me, and he especially loves to help me cook, even more than Ethan. His favorite toys are all his brother’s toys.  He loves all the transformers and power rangers, and anything pirate related.  He has always been my “thinker” which i love.  He still loves to cuddle with his Momma, but only if his Daddy isn’t home.  He is still very much a Daddy’s boy, and I’m OK with that.  I love seeing the bond that he has with my husband, its like nothing I have ever seen before.  It’s a different bond then he has with any of the other kids. I’m not sure if its cause he is Daddy’s baby or what, but they def. have a connection like no other.

Up until recently when I looked at my boys I still saw them as these little tiny babies that were born way too soon! There are times that I look at them and I see them still laying in their isoletes fighting for their lives, and then there are times like today where they are playing with the transformers that they got for their birthday and getting along so nicely that I see them as 4 year olds, who look so grown up to me! I wish that time could slow down just a little bit. I’m not ready for my babies to grow up!

Posted May 15, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, Me, Nathan