Archive for the ‘step kids’ Category

Transitions   Leave a comment

It seems like every time i turn around, the boys are going thru a transition of some sorts. I mean they went from sharing a crib to sleeping in separate cribs.  And they didn’t mind. Then they went from bottles to sippy cups. This, we struggled with.  It seems like it took me forever to find a cup that they liked.  I think I tried everything I could find, until I gave in and bought the ones I thought for sure they wouldn’t like.  And turns out I was wrong, they loved them.  One of the next transitions we had was going from cribs to toddler beds.  We got lucky when we got their cribs, they each transitioned into toddler beds.  That was a rather easy transition as well.  They knew they couldn’t get out of their bed and roam freely.  They knew that bedtime ment they had to lay down and go to sleep.  They knew that I was just a few steps away from them, all they had to do was speak to me, and I would hear them on the monitor and come to them if they needed something. I was expecting the worse with that transition, I mean, first off they share a room and I thought for sure they would test us and try to get out and play.
The next transition was from diapers to underwear.  I was not looking forward to potty training.  I think this was harder on me then it was on them.  That is, once I figured out that there was no way they were going to potty train together.  I mean sure, I’m sure a lot of twins do things like this together, but not my twins.  Ethan made this transition quickly.  I’m talking less than 1 week, and he was staying dry even at night and would cry when I put a pull-up on him at night because he didn’t need it.  So after a couple of days of staying dry and night, I put him to bed in underwear and we’ve never looked back.  Sure, we have had our share of accidents, but I think that comes with any child.  I didn’t think I was ever going to get Nathan trained.  Ethan was trained shortly after they turned 3 in May.  Nathan had NO interest at all.  We would try and try and nothing worked.  I gave up on more than one occasion. Finally on New Year’s Day, I said this is it, I am sick of changing pull-ups every few hours.  And when he got up that morning I put him in underwear.  I’m not saying it was as easy as it was with Ethan, but it was easier than I thought it would be.  For one thing, when I trained Ethan we were living at the old house, and we had a bathroom on the first floor, here we weren’t so lucky.  Our only bathroom is on the second floor and we mad a ton of trips up and down the steps.  There were accidents but again, nothing like I had anticipated. He made me proud, that’s for sure.  Within 10 days, he was completely trained for day time.  He would go on long stretches of staying dry at night and then he would be wet for a few mornings in a row.  Finally I told him, if he could stay dry for 7 nights in a row, then the next night he could wear underwear to bed, just like Ethan.  That’s all it took.  He stayed dry for those 7 nights and on the next night, he said “I get to wear underwear just like my Ethan” and he was so excited.  But wouldn’t you know it, that on that first night wearing underwear to bed, he had an accident.  He woke up the next morning in tears, but I didn’t make a big deal of it, and told him that he could still wear big boy underwear to bed.  And that was on April 1.  We have been mostly dry at night ever since then, with the occasional accident in the night, but not that often.  And they both amaze me because there are not many nights that they wake us up to go Pee in the night.  Usually they sleep right thru until at least 5:30, sometimes later before getting up to use the bathroom.  And on those mornings, I count my lucky stars that they usually go back to sleep for an hour or longer!

Our next transition was from toddler beds to twin size beds.  This happened sooner than we had planned on it happening but when you have children who are very tall for their age it happens.  Nathan ran out of room.  Every time he rolled over at night he was awake and that ment no sleep for Mommy and I wasn’t having that.  So off to the furniture store we went and bunk beds it was.  We ordered them, and my step son agreed to sleep on the top bunk, so Ethan went on the bottom bunk, and Nathan went in my step son’s twin bed. It was comforting to know that we were back to sleeping thru the night!! But now our problem is that the bunk beds are very poorly crafted.  They keep falling apart and we are afraid that Ethan, sleeping in the bottom bunk will be hurt.  So the bunk beds are going away. We are saying goodbye to the bunk beds on Thursday, and we are getting a trundle-bed.  Tyler is going back in his twin bed and Ethan and Nathan will share the trundle.  I’m not sure who is sleeping where yet, we’ll let them decide once they get here on Thursday.  But I’m hoping this transition will go as easily as all the others have.

One more transition that we have made recently, is that we have gotten rid of all of our sippy cups.  Last friday (8/10/12) when we got up I opened the cupboard and a couple of cups fell out at me.  And I thought, its time.  So I poured them each a half of a glass of milk and said, your cups stay at the table and you need to drink slowly, there’s no cover.  We have had little spills but nothing major.  And the boys are great about leaving them on the table.  I decided to keep 2 sippy cups, but just for when we are out of the house, I’m not to big on them having open containers in my vehicle, although, I’m sure that will happen soon enough.  My husband learned the hard lesson while I was at a baby shower on sunday, only put as much in the cups as you are willing to clean up…

Our next transition will be a move to a new house, again. and then the next transition will be school starting, 3 weeks from today! That last transition may be a little harder on me then it is on them!!

I know I haven’t hit all of the transition that my boys have had, but I have touched base on the important ones.  I think the only really big one I left out is the one were we took away the boys beloved pacifiers!! Which is a post all on its own if anyone is interested…

Posted August 14, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, family, Me, Nathan, step kids

summer time and the living is easy   Leave a comment

So I don’t know about all of you guys, but this summer has been awesome so far!! The boys have grown up so much over the past year, that we are able to enjoy so much more this summer!

We have been spending so much time outside that my poor house is a mess.  I have been trying to get up and get motivated in the mornings so that I can get some of my housework done, but lets face it, i don’t have much motivation first thing in the morning so not much has been getting done! But the housework will still be here on rainy days and when summer is over so it’s not that bad.

I would say on average we are spending 3 to 4 days a week at the beach. While the other days are spent hanging around the house.  Thank goodness we got the boys a swing set with their birthday money and we picked up a small inflatable pool for them as well. So when we are home, we are outside. For that matter when we get home from the beach we usually are only inside long enough to re-apply the sun screen and then they head right out to the pool or the swing set!

The beach has been a really great experience this year.  Despite all the complaining i do when I am packing everything up and getting stuff ready, we really do have a great time.  This is the first summer that I can just let the boys go play, they know how far they can go in each direction and they are doing great with listening to me while we are out and about.  One thing I love about living in down east Maine, the beaches that we go to aren’t very busy, so I don’t have to worry about the boys wandering off with other people.  We usually meet up with friends and that makes the day even more enjoyable.  But when we don’t meet up with friends we still have a great time. I can bring a book or a magazine and enjoy them while the boys play, which is a big improvement from last year.

We have been really lucky with the weather lately too, or all summer actually.  Its been in the 70’s to the 80’s most days, and we have had a nice ocean breeze most of the time.  But I guess that’s another benefit of having the ocean in your back yard.  That’s something I may never be willing to part with, its nice to be able to wake up and look out the window onto the ocean every morning! It’s even a nice benefit in the winter cause we don’t get as much snow as they do inland, but that is a whole other post for another day!

The boys have been going on the boat a little bit, with hopes to get to go a little bit more before the end of summer.  They love to “go to work” with Daddy and “Gee” (my father in law) on the boat.  Both of the boys keep saying how they love to “make the monies” just like Daddy.  So when they get off the boat they have been getting paid a little something, which is going right into their savings account.  Won’t be long and we will be sending in for the boys student licenses.  Well, it will be a little while because they have to be 7 or 8, but lets face it, if these next few years go by as fast as the past 4 have, it will seem like its tomorrow!

I have been working a couple of days a week on the boat as well, and I love it! I hadn’t gone to haul with Jason since before I was pregnant with the boys, but I picked it right back up like I hadn’t ever stopped.  Made me realize how much I missed it by staying home with the boys.  I am looking forward to the time in the summers to come where we all get up and head out on the boat at 5, and get home and cleaned up and then head to the beach or the pool! This is what summers are for right, making such great memories with the kids.

Speaking of the kids, we have actually had my step kids a lot more than we normally do over this summer vacation. And its been great! Tyler has been going on the boat a lot with my husband and Hannah has been hanging out at home with the boys and I.  For the most part this goes OK, we have had a couple rough days where she does what she wants and isn’t nice to the boys, but she isn’t getting away with it.  She is learning that there are consequences for her actions when she is at her Dad’s house and she may not like it, but is doing OK with it.

I guess that’s about it for now.  I will try to post again in a few days.  The boys are going to vacation bible school for the first time next week.  It runs from Monday to Friday from 12:30-3:30! it will be a good thing for them.  It will be the first time that they are away from me in a “school” type setting, and I am sure it will be good for all of us! I know I can’t wait to get a few projects done around the house while they are there. I need to get our bedroom painted and the bathroom too.  These have needed to be done since we moved in last fall…nothing like waiting a while to do them!

Posted July 25, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, family, Nathan, step kids

Things I Love   Leave a comment

 

So we have had a busy couple of weeks around here…Nothing to spectacular, just busy as usual. The regular baseball season is over, and we are about to start the All Star season, T’s first game is this Saturday, and we can’t wait!! They have a pretty awesome team this year, so I imagine that they will do great!!

So the boys are doing and saying a bunch of different things now, and my heart just melts when I hear them talking!!  Here are a few things that I Love:

  • The boys are both taking swim lessons, first time ever, and they are like little fish! They both are able to jump into the pool now, and that’s a pretty big deal if you ask me. Especially since its their first time in a swimming pool!
  • Nathan just randomly comes over to me and gives me hugs and kisses
  • Ethan is constantly telling me “love you too Mama”
  • We went to the beach the other day, and I was amazed at how well they listened to me.  They knew how far they could go in either direction on the beach, and if they went to far, i only had to speak to them.
  • They are growing up, and I don’t have to be right with them at the beach, its nice living in a small town where there are only about 10 people at the beach, and you know them all.
  • I got the letter from school for them both the other day, their first official day of school is Sept. 4th!
  • They will finally play for hours together without fighting, in their toy room!
  • We just ordered the boys their first swing set.  I can’t wait for it to come so we can have something else for the boys to do outside!
  • We had the boys 4 year pics done the other day at the beach, I can’t wait to get them back
  • The boys have been sleeping in till 7 most mornings!! kinda nice since they had been getting up at 5:30!
  • We FINALLY got our tax return back. no thanks to someone’s ex-wife thinking that she can claim both of the kids, when it states clearly in the divorce that we can claim T.
  • We got a new couch and chair for our living room over the weekend, a lot more comfortable than the old ones, and not broken for that matter
  • My parents are coming on Thursday for the weekend, actually heading back home on Monday.
  • Our town is celebrating the 4th of July on the 30th of June, even calling it “summer fest” instead of the 4th

That about sums it up for now! I can’t wait for my parents to get here on Thursday! Mostly excited that my Mom will actually be here for the boys last 2 swim lessons, so maybe she’ll be able to get a few pics of the boys in the pool, I would, but I have to go in with them!

 

Hope you all have a happy and safe 4th of July!

 

Posted June 26, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, family, Nathan, step kids

Step-Parents   Leave a comment

So I know I have been posting a lot on our current issues with my step daughter…. I would like to give a little back story on myself.
When i was 14, and in the 8th grade my parents got divorced.  I didn’t like it one bit, and I was a little upset with both of my parents.  My father was and still is an over the road truck driver so he wasn’t around a lot anyway, but it still sucked when they split.  Growing up, I was a daddy’s girl.  When he was home you could always find me with him.  My whole world revolved around him.  Sure I adored my mom, but hands down, i was the ultimate daddy’s girl.  So when my parents shared with my sister and I that they had decided to split, I was hurt.  But I was 14, so I understood some of it.  I was old enough to realize what was going on.

My sister and I stayed with my Mom.  She had primary custody of us, and that never changed.  She never said anything negative about our father in front of us, no matter if she wanted to or not, that is the one thing she didn’t do.  She knew that we would realize just how my father was over time.  We lived in southern Maine, where my mom still lives now actually.  Not in the same place, but still the same town, so going home is still “home” to me.  My father relocated to Connecticut.  Once my parents split, they both seemed to settle down rather quickly again.  I know my Mom dated a little bit, but not that often, and soon enough she had met my step father and things progressed from there. I’m not sure how much my Dad dated, as he was so far away.  He eventually moved in with my now step-mother and that’s when I started to get to go to his house for school vacations.

Both my step father and step mother each had children from their previous marriages.  My step father has 2 sons and a daughter, all who are a few years younger than I am, and my step mother has 2 daughters and a son, also all younger than me.  Neither of my parents ever had any more kids.  Our families were only blended in the sense that I had step siblings from my step parents but no actual new brothers or sisters.  I had great relationships with each of them.

My father would always try to make plans for me to go to his house in Connecticut for school vacations and I loved it.  It was always something I looked forward too. Because I got to spend time with my Dad and his new family.  I always enjoyed my time with them.  But as I grew up, things would always come up.  I would be packed and not so patiently waiting for him to come get me, and the phone would ring, and there suddenly would be something wrong with his car. EVERY TIME I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN!  I’m not going to lie, it hurt me pretty bad.  It was after the third time this happened I realized that he just wasn’t coming.  And that was the last time I ever planned to spend school vacation with him.

It hurt a lot.  I’m not going to lie.  I felt like he was replacing me with my step brother and sister, who weren’t even his own children. But because he had a step son now, I wasn’t good enough.  He finally had the son he always wanted. We have an OK relationship now, nothing like I thought it would be.   But that’s the way it goes.  I thought that my own father would be so excited to hear I was expecting twin boys that he would make an effort to be involved in their lives.  They turned 4 in May, and I can count on one hand the amount of times he has seen my sons.  It breaks my heart to know he is just to busy to see them. I realize that we live about 8 hours away from each other, but he is still driving truck and makes one delivery a week in a town that is about one hour away from where I live, and he never tries to get me to come to the town so he can see his grandsons.

I have always been close to my step father, mostly because he lived with us i supposed.  I don’t always agree with everything he says or does, but he was like a father to me.  He actually gave me away at my wedding to Jason.  I originally wanted both my father and step father to walk me down the aisle together, but my father had a fit and said he either did it alone or not at all, so I chose to let me step father give me away.  After all he knew me better.  My father had not actually met my husband until my wedding day. How sad is that?

So I guess where I am going with this, is that I grew up with both a step mom and a step dad, and I never once did the things my step daughter has done to me.  I never would have dreamed it.  I know that I was older and my parents never had any more children after they had my sister and I, but it still makes it hard.  I would love to have a good relationship with both of my step children, but I can’t keep putting myself out there just to be heart-broken time and time again by her.

Posted June 6, 2012 by mytwotornados in Me, step kids

The good, the bad & the ugly!   1 comment

So things haven’t gotten much better since my last post.  We still can’t figure out what has caused my step daughter to lash out at me the way she has been. All in total we found 6 different papers with nasty things written on them about me, and she chose to write on her bedroom wall in two different places that she hates me.  I am more hurt than anything else, and nobody seems to understand why.  I know that she is going thru some stuff at her Mom’s right now, because  her Mom is getting ready to have a baby any day now.  Which will be another little girl for her Mom which makes her not the “baby” in that family any more and also makes her not the only girl in that family. I think that she feels like she is going to be replaced by the baby and I don’t think that her Mom has taken the time to explain to her that the baby isn’t replacing her, that the baby is simply adding to the family.  We went thru a similar situation when we had the twins. My step son felt as thought my husband was replacing him because we were having two boys.  We actually sat both of the kids down and explained to them that we were adding to the family, not replacing them.  They seemed to understand, but we don’t feel as though it is our place to explain the new baby to them.  My step daughter seems to think that the baby will come on visits to our house with them and that the baby somehow belongs to my husband.  I just don’t know how they haven’t explained to her yet that this is not the case.  We have tried to tell her that but she won’t listen.  Either that or she doesn’t want to believe us.  I’m not sure what is going on.

Last week I went on a major cleaning spree, in an effort to de-clutter my house.  God it had gotten pretty bad over the winter, and I was so happy to weed thru things and take care of stuff.  So while I did this, I re-arranged the boys toy room, and got rid of a huge garbage bag of toys, and they don’t even miss them.  So while I went to all the trouble to clean out their toy room, I have tried to get them to understand that when you take something out, you put it back before you dig something else out.  Its seems to be working for the most part, it hasn’t been a week yet, but so far so good.  I’m not spending an hour before bedtime cleaning up the mess that they have made throughout the day any more.  I may have to pick up a random toy here or there, but nothing like i used too.  Ethan has always been pretty good about helping me clean, but not Nathan.  But ever since I cleaned out their toy room, he has been such a big help.  Things may not always go back where they came from, but they are put away which is what matters to me.  As long as they are up off the floor, it takes me maybe 5-10 minutes to put the boys back where they belong.  Last night, when the older kids where here I asked the boys to clean up before supper.  Nathan was doing a great job, but my step daughter would go right behind him and tell him “No, No, No that doesn’t go there” and she would take all the boys he had just put away and throw them back on the floor.  I watched this happen 3 times before I stepped in and told her to leave him alone. He was doing what I had asked him to do and it was not her place to try to Parent him.  She and I are butting heads awful lately.

My stepson’s little league season is a little over half way over.  His team is doing great! And he is playing the best he has ever played!! So proud of him.  his team has 5 wins and he got the first 2 game balls of the season!! He is growing up into such a good kid!! I couldn’t be prouder of him…If only some of his qualities could reflect on his sister we would be all set.

I take Nathan to the cardiologist on Thursday, just a routine appointment really.  We have been going since he was born, started out in the NICU and we started going about every 3 months, then we moved to 6 months, then we finally got to a once a year appointment.  Its kind of funny that if he hadn’t been a preemie, then we never would have known that he had a vein in his heart that was larger than it should be.  It never showed on my prenatal ultra sounds, they just caught it on an ECHO in the NICU.  As he is growing, it is doing what its supposed to tho, so that is great news for us.  Even tho I hope every time we go that it is the last time, I am thankful that it’s really nothing major and nothing to worry about yet.

So I will update again probably Friday.  I will do a recap of the boys 4 year well child visit and Nathan’s cardiologist visit.  And I should have the pictures back from the boy’s birthday party today or tomorrow, so I’ll do a post about that when I get them too!!

 

Posted June 5, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, Nathan, step kids

Broken Hearts   Leave a comment

So things here have been kind of busy lately, and I should be blogging more, but life it getting in the way.  I have a post almost ready about the boys 4th birthday party and about a few other things, I am just waiting to get some pictures back from our photographer.  And I should have them by the end of the week, first of next week, so it’s coming, I promise.

So we had my husband’s older kids on Monday this week. Things were going great, I was playing with the boys and T was watching tv with my husband and H was writing a note to a friend.  All normal things that happen when we have the kids, so I didn’t think anything of it.  I noticed that while H was writing, she kept looking over at me and staring at me, giving me dirty looks, but again, nothing out of the ordinary.  Well when she got done writing her letter, she put it on the drier, which is what she does with stuff she wants to take home.  I forgot it was there and so did she…

Tuesday when I was getting the laundry switched over, a folded piece of paper fell on the floor.  I didn’t notice it at first, but Ethan & Nathan were pretty excited cause they found “a yetter” which translates to a letter.  I unfolded the paper to find the letter that H had written to her friend at school.  I thought it was cute at first, I remember being a little girl writing letters to my friend and bringing them to school the next day.  But what wasn’t cute was what the letter said at the bottom.  Right before she signed her name it said “I hate Andrea” and that was followed up with “she hurts me!”

My heart broke immediately.  I have known for a while that she has been angry at me.  I just don’t know why.  My first thought was to just throw it away, and my second thought was, well lets not do that, just in case she does it again and the note gets into the wrong hands. So when my husband got home from work, I was in tears, and he asked what was wrong, all I could do was give him the note.  He of course was upset as well.

We saw T & H at T’s baseball game last night and Jason asked T if he thought it was true, and he said “absolutely not, Andrea never hurts us.  She might speak to us if we are doing something wrong, but she has never touched us.” And he followed that up with “I love Andrea, she wouldn’t hurt me or Sis.” Which again, broken my heart but for different reasons.  Well when H went over by Jason, who was helping out in the dug out, she spoke to me on the way by, but only to get my attention so she could stick her tongue out at me on the way by.  When she got to Jason, he pulled her aside and said, “we found your note” and she was all smiles, asking if he brought it to her, so she could give it to her friend at school today and he told her NO! She got upset and started crying because it was her letter and not ours and we couldn’t keep it.  She carried on for a few minutes about that, before Jason said “I read it, and so did Andrea.” She just looked at him and when he confronted her about it, she said “I didn’t write that” and she got a little upset with him.  She told him that I must have written it myself because she didn’t do it.

So tonight when Jason calls the kids to say goodnight like he does every night, he is going to talk to their Mom about it.  We certainly are not giving the letter back to her, because if it got into the wrong hands I would be in so much trouble.   Which i believe deep down inside, that’s what she wants.  She doesn’t want her father and I together and she isn’t afraid to say it.  If I thought it would solve any problems, I would pack my boys up for the weekend, and head to my Mother’s house.  But that would be telling her she won, and that’s not what I want to do.  She needs to be told that it is not OK to lie about things like this.  We can’t punish her for not liking me, but we can punish her for lying about me hurting her.  I swear on my own kids lives that I have NEVER laid a finger on that child!

My heart is broken because she is my step daughter and I love her, and there is nothing I can do to make her like me.  I just don’t know what to do anymore, but I do know that under no circumstances, will I EVER be left alone without her, I won’t even sit in the living room with her at my house now, without my husband in the room, because I don’t need to be accused of child abuse.

Posted May 30, 2012 by mytwotornados in Me, step kids

What to do with jealous kids   Leave a comment

So not much has been going on here, just regular stuff really.  I had a follow-up with my OB the other day to make sure that the Essure procedure that I had done in January worked, and as i expected it did. I couldn’t be happier to not have any more babies. I mean don’t get me wrong, I kinda miss my little ones being babies, but I wouldn’t want to start all over again. With that being said, my “babies” will be 4 in 12 days! That’s totally not fair!

We had pre-k registration last monday and the boys did great! They were so excited to go to school, even tho it only lasted about 15 minutes for each of them. And let me just say that ever since I took them into the school, they look so much more grown up to me.  I think it was just seeing them in that setting, knowing that they will be there 3 mornings a week in the fall.  I didn’t cry tho, I thought I would be a little more upset about it then I was, but maybe I have come to terms with them going to school…..Let’s see how the first day goes in the fall tho, I’m sure I’ll be a hot mess!

My husband’s birthday is coming up on Saturday.  It seems to sneak up on us every year.  Guess I better get on finding a gift for him! And making a cake!

My father got the twins bikes for Christmas.  We never put them together, for that matter I don’t think we even told them that they had bikes in the basement.  We decided to put them together yesterday, they are so excited.  We should have chosen a different day tho, we had the older kids in the afternoon and I’m pretty sure that they were both a little jealous of the twins, even tho they both have their own bikes, that were bought new for them last year! It’s hard to do things for the boys, even if it’s just a simple thing like putting their bikes together, without the step kids getting jealous.  I made sure as we get them put together that they didn’t think we went out and spent the money on the bikes, not that it would matter, but that’s how their minds work.  However, they were still jealous and I think that’s just how kids are.

Also with the boys getting older its time to get them out of their toddler beds. Nathan is 3ft 7 inches tall and doesn’t really have the room he needs to be comfortable while he is sleeping.  So with that being said, we have bunk beds coming tomorrow for the boy’s room. My step son will sleep on the top bunk, and Ethan will sleep on the bottom bunk, Nathan has already claimed my step son’s big boy bed as his own. We told the step kids last night that we were getting bunk beds for the boy’s room and I’m pretty sure again, the step daughter is jealous.  She said “what do i get for my room” and she didn’t like it when I told her she didn’t need anything! After all the new bunk beds are really for the boy’s birthday. If there was room in the boy’s room for 3 twin beds, we would have just gotten 2 new twin beds, but to save room we went with bunk beds.  I guess I can’t make everyone happy all the time.  Just gotta do my best!

And did I mention that the step-kids would possible be jealous? I mean we just got a phone call from my husbands ex-wife and she told us that the kids “don’t feel good” today so they won’t be coming  this afternoon.  Seems funny to us, that all of a sudden they don’t feel good when they were fine last night! Guess we’ll see how they are feeling for Saturday when they are supposed to come for the weekend.

I think that’s about it right now. I’m sure I’ll think of something else that I forgot and I’ll just post again soon!!

Posted April 19, 2012 by mytwotornados in Ethan, family, Nathan, step kids